Engrish

I think we take it for granted that it's hard to speak other languages. Well, maybe you and I don't take it for granted, since we probably don't speak any other languages and have little prospects of learning (myself at least), but as a society I think we kind of do. Example: I am assuming that any billboard written in Spanish (there are plenty in Hayward) is written in correct Spanish. Similarly, when I see the menu at a Chinese restaurant, or see the labels on my hair dryer in 14 languages, I'm assuming they are all written in proper other-language.

I suppose the first problem with this assumption is that there is no way for me to know this. But the validating fact for this assumption is that we, in America, have access to people speaking pretty much every language. It would not be difficult to hire someone to correct your Mandarin or Farsi or French around here. It would probably be difficult to find someone who couldn't correct your Spanish. You get my meaning - there are a zillion of us crammed into America, and we're from all over and speak a variety of languages. We're all used to it by now.

In Japan, this is not the case. 98% of the population of Japan is Japanese. Can you imagine such homogeneousness*?! I did find it odd. Everyone is Japanese! Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that they may not have someone - their neighbor, co-worker, friend - who speaks every other language on the planet. When they print signs or goods with English words, for example, they don't necessarily have a proofreader driving by in every other car, or sitting at the table deciding how the words will go. At least I assume this is the case, as it seems reasonable to me. It is this occurrence leads to what we call Engrish**.

We know that Japanese (and I think Chinese, too?) people have a problem with the Ls and Rs in our language. They also have problems with articles (a, the, an) and general word placement. When we were in Japan, we saw this all over. And though I love Japanese people, their culture, and, let's face it, their food, I found it humorous to poke fun at them from time to time. I hope they don't take too much offense as I point out some of the better Engrish that we came across during our trip.

Exhibit 1: Food-Related Engrish (click to enlarge)

The motto "Italian food of sticking to" is just not a catch phrase that draws me in the door. I'm not sure exactly what they mean by "Not for having but for tasting", but it may just be a stupid phrase instead of bad English. Pretty sure they shoved an extra "h" in the "silky touch" napkin, and, my personal favorite...miso soup is "soup from soybean past"...so spooky.

Exhibit 2: In Store Notices (click to enlarge)

I think the "it is accounting in each floor" was trying to tell you that every floor has its own cash register and you should check out with the stuff you buy on each floor rather than carry it all around the complex. But, I am clairvoyant, so I'm not sure how anyone else interprets this. I did "take care about the foot", thanks for the warning. However, I found it hard to not touch the wall while I repaired it, though I tried my hardest. They were so close with "the front entrance is this place", but, no cigar.

Exhibit 3: Engrish at Museums and Sites (click to enlarge)

No idea what sign #1 is trying to say about the "hot fighting"; this was a label at a museum exhibit. The other three were at a monkey park outside of Kyoto. These people need some assistance with their translations, that's all I'll say.

Exhibit 4: Dollar Store Engrish (click to enlarge)

Yes, the dollar store. Why do they offer items in English at the dollar store when the English is totally unintelligible? I have no idea. Is it extremely amusing? Yes it is. Am I going to stop answering my own questions? Yes, I am. These were all little envelopes, I'm not sure what you're supposed to use them for. The quotes are: "The place is his reserved seat. He generally passes daytime there."; "Pleasure to have a gut feeling" (my personal favorite, so romantic); and "Heaven Scent: For a wonderful friend! A perennial favorite." Them's sum gud Engrish.

A couple more good ones:

This sign (above) makes slightly more sense when you know that the store is called "can-do". Also, a wagon is a shopping cart. For everything else, you're on your own.

The only thing funny about this sign is the bottom right warning. No danger allowed.

And finally, the finale (above, click to enlarge) - the remaining Engrish signs that I photographed while we were in Japan. Enjoy.

*I looked it up, that is a word.
**By the way, there is indeed an entire website dedicated to this, engrish.com, and no, I have not submitted anything.

Tokyo Subway at Rush Hour

Tokyo has one of the largest and busiest subway systems in the world. One of the main inner-city stations, Shinjuku station, boasts over 3 million people passing through it every day, making it the busiest train station in the world. Though we did not experience this particular station during peak hour (which I'm sort of thankful for), we did manage to capture a glimpse of the madness on our last morning in Japan.

We wanted to see the Tokyo fish markets, which are best before, like, 6am, but go strong until around 10-11am, per our guidebook. We had gone the day before, but some unknown holiday meant that it was closed (we were upset at the early wake-up for no reason). This was our last day to try it - we were up at 6:45 and out the door two hours later (we had to eat, pack, and check out in the interim). And so it was at the tail end of rush hour that we approached the subway, and were finally up early enough to see it at it's very worst.

To be honest, we were both morbidly curious about the subway at rush hour. We'd heard tales of transit employees being placed outside train doors for the specific purpose of shoving people onto the trains to pack them as full as possible. We did not see this particular practice, but we did experience a mass of humans unlike anything we've ever seen, even in all our travels.

Our entrance station was at the end of a subway line, so when we got on, there were very few people. We took good standing positions against the far wall across from the doors (leaning against the inoperable doors), so as to ensure easy access when we needed to exit. The station we wanted was about ten stops down the road, so we had a bit of time to wait.


At each stop, a relatively large number of people would get on our train. In Japan everything is orderly and calculated, so at every stop there was a neat line of business people standing in front of each train door. The train conductor parks the train at each station such that the doors line up exactly with the noted marks on the floor of the platform. The trains are always on time, and when they pull up, the doors open, the line of people steps aside to let any passengers wishing to disembark out of the train, and then proceeds to file onto the train in the order in which they arrived at the station. It's blissfully calm and organized.

At rush hour, this process is no different, except that the amount of free space on each train car diminished very quickly and we all had to pack tighter and tighter at each stop. After a few stops, the train was what I would consider full. All the seats on either side of the train were taken, and all the standing room was filled. I was still comfortable at this point though, with a modest amount of space between myself and those passengers around me such that we weren't in constant physical contact.

At the next stop, this changed. About 20 more people filed on with no hesitation; now we were all smooshed together, body to body. Ok, I've been to concerts before, no big deal, it's only for a few stops. Next stop, 20 or so more people smash onto our train. Now we're not just touching the other passengers, we're pushing on them and they on us. Odd, but, people have places to go, so we'll have to deal with it. Next stop, 20 more people get on. At this point, we were really squished. I hadn't really though it was possible to pack more people on the train, but apparently it was. Fortunately we were against the back wall so we were only surrounded by people on one side and not the other. I was smashed against the inoperable door so hard, I thought I might break it.

At this point, I was highly amused. Can you imagine being smashed on a BART train or any other urban train system like this? You'd have obnoxious teenagers yapping to each other, moms babbling away on cell phones, homeless dudes trying to cop a feel. The Tokyo subway at rush hour is not like this. Everyone is in business clothes. Suits, leather shoes, nice coats. Their hair is combed. Everyone showered but a few short hours ago. No one is on a cell phone, and in fact, no one speaks at all. It's a completely homogeneous crowd of well-dressed, silent people. It's fabulously entertaining.

And though pick pocketing and groping aren't the norm, groping has become quite a problem in these consistently over-packed cars. Men who molest women on the crowded subway cars are called chikan and are apparently fairly common. It is for this reason that certain railway lines have instituted "women-only" train cars during rush hour, so that women can be safe on their ride to/from work. I did not see nor experience any of this (except that I saw the women-only cars), but it's interesting to know what's going on under the surface.

The best part? Once the train car was completely full and we all had to take turns breathing in, the way additional people cram onto the car was like this:

1. Doors open
2. New passenger standing at the entrance to the train car turns around so that their back faces the train and the solid mass of people inside it.
3. New passenger backs into the mass of people in the train car.
4. Mass of people on the train somehow absorb this extra person, and the person wiggles themselves on until they've cleared the threshold for the doors.

It is both incredible and hilarious to watch. And everyone knows the protocol! Not one frightened or confused passenger took a look at us sardines and waited for the next train. Each person took stock of the situation, turned around, and backed into the hoard of humans behind them. If I had had the space for my lungs to expand to chuckle, I would have.

At this point the train car really was full. We were reluctantly accepting one or two people at each stop, and we were so smashed together that each additional person stepping on the train was a true feat. While Kane and I figured we would survive this endeavor, we weren't sure how we'd get off the train when our stop came. There was no way we could "excuse me" our way through the crowd like on a normal train. We had resolved that we'd be forced to miss our exit and get off at the first station where it was physically possible, then get back on the opposite direction and hope we could exit at our stop. There was just no other way.

As we approached closer and closer to our stop, we kept hoping some people would get off the train. They wouldn't. Where were all these people going? How could they do this every day? We didn't want to miss our stop, but what else could we do? We pulled up to the stop right before ours. Everyone on the train emptied out onto the platform one by one, leaving the two of us and a few weary stragglers on the train car. Deep breath, and, sigh. Thank goodness. Where were they all going? I have no idea. But we were fortunate enough to be heading to a stop that came after wherever they were all going. Whew.

So, with a clear view of the floor of the entire train (which was, and is, always spotless, by the way), we sauntered off the subway train at our intended stop, free from harm. We made it through the Tokyo subway at rush hour, and we're darn proud.

Japanese Food

I loved Japanese food before we even set foot on Japanese soil. I love lots of food, hence why I now have a food blog. But Japanese food has long held a special place in my heart. I'm really glad that I waited until my Japanese food tastes matured to a point where I could enjoy a lot of what Japan had to offer (namely sushi and sashimi) before venturing across the great Pacific. I don't eat meat that isn't seafood (no beef, pork, chicken, etc.), so there was a certain amount of food in Japan that I didn't experience. I'm not really sad about it the same way I'm not sad about missing those foods in my own country. It doesn't work if you're always yearning for food you "can't" have; I like being veggie/fishie. Fortunately, the Japanese are very keen on their seafood, and so am I. We got along well.

The first thing I was wondering with three weeks of vacation ahead of me was if I was going to get sick of Japanese food. I tend to get sick of things quickly. Not only that, I tend to binge on one type of food for a while and then get so sick of it that I never want to see it again. It's sort of irritating - send your sympathy to poor Kane who has to deal with it. This is one reason that I love living in the Bay Area; great food of all different nationalities at my fingertips all the time. I never have to get sick of anything because I can constantly change it up.

In Japan, they eat Japanese food. They have other food, but they mostly have Japanese food. And since I love it so much, I was happy to have it for every meal every day. This is what I thought might kill the whole experience - too much too fast. But I found that I did not get sick of Japanese food. I loved it for every meal, every day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner for three weeks straight did not curb my desire for this kind of food. Sure, I got a bit sick of all the deep fried stuff after a while, and the strictly protein/rice diet was starting to weigh on my system a bit, but I was far from sick of the food. In fact, the day after we got back, I was sad to have cereal for breakfast; I wanted my weird Japanese breakfast that I'd grown to love. So let's talk about some of the food we had and where we had it.

Breakfast
I'm not sure what people in Japan eat for breakfast, like, in the privacy of their homes. There were occasional bake shops, and things like pancakes and waffles could be found at certain restaurants, though they're usually for dessert. This is what we were served, generally, every morning at our hotel:

• Rice Balls: small triangular balls of cohesive rice, sometimes with something in the middle like tuna or pickles, sometimes with stuff sprinkled on the outside like seaweed flakes or sesame seeds.
• Pickles: pickles are everywhere in this country, they seem to pickle everything. I didn't always know what vegetable I was eating a pickle of, but they were offered with most breakfasts, and most meals for that matter.
• Bread: thick, white bread cut in half. There was a toaster and butter and jam packets. I don't know how this fits in with the rest of the Japanese stuff, but I ate it all.
• Rolls/Croissants: depending on the hotel, sometimes there was bread, sometimes rolls or croissants instead.
• Salad: Green salad with choice of ginger-oil or mayonnaise-based dressing.
• Macaroni or Potato Salad: we liked to call the macaroni salad "mayonnaise noodles" because that's what they were. Potato salad was consistently good, in my opinion.
• Mini Sausages: sometimes there were party wieners. Why? Not sure. I avoided them.
  
• Miso Soup: always delicious, see the picture below for a humorous sign (I wonder if they serve soup from soybean present?):

• Tea/Coffee/OJ (sometimes)/Milk (sometimes)

I typically had a breakfast of salad with ginger dressing, miso soup, rice balls, pickles, potato/macaroni salad, and toast or croissants. It was great. I love salad for breakfast, it's so refreshing. Miso soup should be at every meal in my opinion; it's light, salty, tasty, warm. I love this breakfast and I want it in my home. It's just not the same when I make it though...

Nomihodai
One of the more interesting things we encountered in Japan was nomihodai, pronounced, roughly and in my crappy American accent nom-ay-hoo-dye. This means "all you can drink". This is offered sometimes at bars (with a time limit) and you can get totally plastered for a less-than-standard fee, but we utilized this fabulous idea in a much more fun and coherent way. We found a coffee shop with an all-you-can-drink beverage bar. This particular coffee shop had no English menu, so we could not figure out what the deal was with the drinks, but Marc faithfully remembered the word for all you can drink and we were able to do it. The listed three different prices for the all you can drink bar, but we didn't know the difference (maybe one was for cold beverages only, one for hot, and one for both? we couldn't tell) and just had to hope they charged us accordingly.


It was awesome. There's the coffee machine to the far left - but we couldn't read the labels so we weren't sure exactly what we were getting each time. Trial and error is a good tactic at the all you can drink bar. Plus, Japanese coffee is terrible anyway, so it's pretty much just an exercise in how much sugar and milk you can physically fit into your coffee cup to make it palatable. Next to that is the hot tea area, then the iced tea jugs, then the wacky soda machine (see green soda below - not sure what flavor it was exactly), then the hot chocolate machine, which was the star of the show. We had a fabulous time getting all water-logged before a day of walking around.


Sushi Train
For lunch (and sometimes dinner) we often found ourselves being sucked into a sushi train restaurant. They have these kinds of restaurants in America (and Australia) too, but there's one on every block in a downtown area of Japan. A sushi train works like this: you are seated in a row at a counter, like in an old coffee shop. In front of the counter is a conveyor belt that winds around the restaurant in front of all the customers. On the conveyor belt are little plates, each with a type of sushi on it. The patrons view the plates as they pass by on the conveyor in front of them, and take whatever looks good. You take the whole plate off the conveyor, eat what's on it, and stack up all the plates you take so they can bill you at the end. In the middle of the sushi train, the area in the center of the big conveyor belt loop, are the sushi chefs. They make little plates of sushi and continuously refill the conveyor belt with these plates as they are taken by the patrons. It's a fabulous idea and I think all food should be served this way. It means you get a little bit of everything you want. It's fabulous!

Most places have about six different colors of plates, all corresponding to different prices, which are posted all around the restaurant for you to consult. Some sushi trains offer all the plates at the same price, which makes it easier for us cheapos, though the dishes don't get quite as fancy when they're cheap like that. Then you can also summon one of the chefs or a host/ess if you want to order something in particular, which they'll happily make and deliver to you. The ginger and soy sauce is unlimited and free and lives on the counter between every other seat where you can take it at your leisure to go with your sushi. There are some other variations of this arrangement, but those are the basics of the sushi train...and it's making me want some right now. Let's look at some of my sushi train pics (click to enlarge):


Izakaya
An izakaya (pronounced is-uh-kie-uh) is supposed to be a place where you get drinks and have some little foods to accompany the drinks, like tapas. We used this for full blown dinner probably a dozen times. And forget the drinks, we'll have tapas with tapas, thank you very much. Most of these places had an English menu (we had to share it between us) which we'd use to order many rounds of dishes during our stay. And the very best part? The button. To call the waiter over, you press a button at your table. Within seconds (usually) your waiter has arrived, ready to take your next order. It's fabulous. We really racked up quite a bill a few times (oh this is only $5, and this is only $3...and on and on), but had a pretty dang good time doing it. Here's some izakaya food that we enjoyed (click to enlarge):


And while there is a whole plethora of other things to talk about, I'll stop this entry now before your eyes become too weary. Needless to say, I fully enjoyed the food in Japan, and just writing about it is making my tummy rumble. Oh, I could go for some sashimi right about now...

Karaoke Part II

So, you're sick of reading about Japan. I don't care, I'm writing more anyway. I kept a log of possible blog topics the whole time I was there just so that I could make sure to touch on the most interesting (to me) aspects of our trip when I got home. And by George (whoever he is), I'm using that list. Today is a bit of a reprieve since I'm discussing a topic previously blogged upon, but I have in store (hopefully) stories of food, Engrish, hotels, Tokyo Rush Hour, and, of course, an obligatory budgetary pie chart and commentary.

You may recall that I previously discussed at length the merits of Japanese karaoke, describing our experience in Kyoto thoroughly. First karaoke was a great time, we really loved it.

For good measure, we decided to try it again on one of the last days of the trip, this time in Osaka. We found a karaoke establishment of the same chain as the first one we went to, but this one was not nearly as nice. It was smaller, the lobby was not nearly as grandiose, and the rooms were older and dingier. For some reason the "Premium" rooms here were far more expensive than the Standard ones, so we went with the Standard.

We were met with a less thrilling version of the previous experience. The room was smaller, the walls were wood paneled, and the tv was not a flat screen (see below). Borrrrring. It was ok, and we had a good time, but it was nothing like the first time in Kyoto. Ah, memorieeees.


This time we chose such hits as: Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da, The Rose, Summer of '69, Waterfalls (my personal favorite), Billie Jean, Ain't too Proud to Beg, Hit the Road Jack, Rocky Raccoon, with a finale of The Cars' You Might Think. We did also manage to appropriately fit in Styx with Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto, so don't worry your pretty head about that one going missing.

Since my videos from the original karaoke incident have been properly stored and labeled, Kane has so generously agreed to be featured on this blog, singing his rendition of Billy Idol's Eyes Without a Face. This is from our original karaoke expedition and also shows Marc and Alana faithfully fumbling with the music remote control (it's all in Japanese, we were still figuring it out) and messing up Kane's song. Take it away, Kane: