Heat Wave

You're sitting on the couch after coming home on a Friday night at the end of a long, hot week. The weekend has finally arrived. You have plopped down onto your couch to bask in the glory of the air conditioning, the only thing saving your brain from boiling on this 100 degree evening. Pondering the pros and cons of ordering pizza versus taking a catnap, your laptop screen suddenly dims slightly, almost imperceptibly. Before you can investigate, the air conditioning sputters and stops and the fan slows to a halt. The power's out. Crap.

This week has been a record breaking heat wave for Melbourne and the consensus is: it sucks. Monday began with the promise of "high temperatures" later in the week, but, since I never trust weather people (especially in Melbourne -- the gods can't even predict the weather here) I paid little attention. Come Wednesday, I was crying uncle. Thursday was the spike with midday temperatures hitting over 110 F. Walking outside was like opening your oven, but without the delicious baking smells. Just the foul stench of frying concrete and communal sadness. And actually, I believe Alana put it best when she updated her Facebook status to say "Alana now knows what it feels like to be inside a hair dryer". Indeed.

I've been thinking about blogging to complain about the weather for some time, and the weather has really goaded me into it now. At a glance of statistical averages, this place appears to have similar weather to California (or at least where I've lived in CA). The winter is cold-ish, no snow, and the summer is hot-ish. No major extremes and generally similar seasonal highs and lows. Well, though the averages may appear the same, the weather that creates these averages is not. Two 50 degree days averages the same as a 100 degree day and a 0 degree day, and that's the problem we're looking at here. The winter here is cold. For the whole time. No nice respites of warmth or sun like in California; no sunny days that feel-warm-except-for-the-wind; no mercy. Cold for three straight months, night and day. Miserable.

And now we're in Summer where all rules are off. For example, the day isn't necessarily hotter than the night. We've had plenty of days so far where the morning is cool, afternoon is hot, and evening is hotter. This is clearly not allowed and I would like a call from the Ref on this one. News flash: the nights are supposed to be cool, the days warm and sunny -- those are the rules. Some deviation is fine, but flagrant disregard for the Rules of the Weather is not tolerated. And yet here I am, in my undies, sticking to my plastic chair, bowing in reverence to the A/C on a Saturday night.

As for this particular heat wave, apparently the worst in recorded history for Melbourne (they started recording in 1880) [ref], it's been quite devastating for the city. It seems that they're not equipped to handle this sort of occurrence. About a quarter of all train services have been canceled "because of train breakdowns, lines buckling in the blistering heat, or power blackouts" [ref] which basically caused chaos for commuters this week. At least 19 people, mostly elderly, have simply perished in the heat; bush fires are raging and have claimed at least 10 houses so far; and thousands of people were without power yesterday [ref]. Obviously we were amongst the thousands without power and, actually, compared to the other occurrences, I suppose that was not really that bad.

I believe this was our outage: "An explosion at an electrical substation in Melbourne’s outer suburbs cut power to half a million homes overnight while at Crown casino about 5,000 workers, gamblers and restaurant patrons were evacuated when power was lost and a back-up generator failed" [ref]. At least we weren't in the elevator when it happened. I suppose this is the chance we take in giving three million people in a 100 mile radius access to A/C anytime they want; when we all go for the ON button at the same time, things explode. Our counter to this unfortunate-ness was to immediately run crying into Marc and Alana's loving, air-conditioned arms. They were actually going to a concert that night, but they graciously came to our rescue by picking us up in Little Red and depositing us in their cool, electricity-inclined apartment. We watched movies and ordered Indian food delivery for the night to quell our sadness.

It was actually quite amusing because we ran to their house so quickly that we didn't even realize that, with Marc and Alana gone, we had no way of leaving their house as we couldn't lock the doors and actually even had to jump their front gate to get the Indian food delivery since we didn't have the key. Additionally, we had no way to get home for the night. We were duped like kids offered candy from a man in a large, window-less van. Except that our thoughtlessness led to a night in an air conditioned prison with an X-Box and unlimited movies and shows to watch. And that's how Marc and Alana saved Christmas. Or our Friday night, but that's sort of like Christmas, right? And they ended up coming home at a reasonable hour (around 11pm) to take us home. The power was back on upon arrival (excellent) and gauging from my reset alarm clock, it had turned back on approximately 10 minutes after we had left. But, I still think we made the right choice in leaving rather than potentially melting in our sauna of an apartment.

Some folks I also feel sorry for are the people competing in the Australian Open this week; I simply cannot imagine playing tennis in direct sunlight with temperatures over 110 F. It truly seems impossible. Novak Djokovic, last year's champion, opted out of the rest of the tournament because of the heat [ref]. Poor guy. Better than suffering heat stroke, I guess. A guy at work was telling us that he, his wife, and their four kids spent all night at their local mall since they don't have air conditioning at their house. And a woman at work reported almost shoulder to shoulder crowds at the beaches every night this week. I even saw a claim in one of the newspapers that some beaches were starting to lose crowds during the day because the sand was too hot to walk on and burned people's feet! And, worst of all, I was so hot that I actually willingly wore a dress to work on Friday. Clearly this has gotten out of hand.

So that's been our week; an epic battle against an unbeatable enemy. At least we're all on the same side here. That is one notion I've really enjoyed about the heat, at least on a philosophical level: everyone sympathizes with the heat. You don't get any sympathy in the winter, hardly. Everyone's cold, no one seems to care but me. But get the temperature over 100 degrees and suddenly it's the topic of every conversation, the headline on every newspaper, the bane of everyone's existence. We can, for once, all band together to battle a common foe, even though our petty insults and only mildly effective air conditioning units are surely no match. A war without guns or tanks or planes. And we're all in it, all together, with no choice in the matter. That's the Bright Side that I have found in these desperate times.

I think the worst of it is over; we can begin clean up and recovery and finding other crap to talk about. You fought a good, clean fight, Heat Wave, but you can't keep us down that easily.